Not First Love
by Sanna
Summary: "I'm not here to stop the wedding, if that's what you're thinking. Rachel invited me, and I believe with Finn's permission." "I just think it's a little strange, you attending your ex's wedding." Jesse raised an eyebrow. "You're speaking from experience?"


Quinn woke up with a massive headache, her body sore. She glanced around at the unfamiliar surroundings before she remembered that she was in the Hampton Inn in Lima that weekend, attending the wedding of Finn and Rachel.

Thinking of her ex and Rachel brought back the tight feeling in her chest. Quinn wasn't sure if she had truly ever gotten over Finn, even after all these years. Quinn had dated several guys throughout college and law school, some of which had been serious relationships, but she had never forgotten about her first love.

She blamed her friends for convincing her to come back to the small town she had been desperate to put behind her, and watch Finn say "I do" to Rachel. Kurt and Mercedes had gone up to San Francisco, where Quinn was currently working, and had tag teamed against Quinn until she gave in to peer pressure and agreed to go to the wedding.

It hadn't been as bad as she had expected, Quinn thought hazily, trying to recall the events of the day before. She had gotten tipsy early, allowing herself to consume two glasses of wine at the inn before she left for the wedding. Liquid courage and all that.

Quinn remembered that Kurt had picked her up almost an hour before the wedding and then having to leave her momentarily to take care of certain issues as Finn's best man. Having nothing better to do, she had strolled around the grounds of the church, and ran into the last person she expected to see at Finn and Rachel's wedding.

"_Hello, Quinn," he had greeted her in a stiff and polite voice. They had never been more than acquaintances in the past._

"_Jesse," she responded slowly. "What are you doing here?"_

_He chuckled dryly. "I'm not here to stop the wedding, if that's what you're thinking. Rachel invited me, and I believe with Finn's permission."_

"_I just think it's a little strange, you attending your ex's wedding."_

_Jesse raised an eyebrow. "You're speaking from experience?"_

_Quinn smiled sardonically and shrugged._

_They stood there in silence, lost in their own thoughts. More and more people started entering the church, several of whom Quinn knew – Artie, Santana, Mike, Puck, Britney, Mercedes – but she didn't move from where she stood._

_Finally, Rachel arrived in the wedding limo. From their vantage point, Quinn and Jesse had a poor view, but they watched as everyone with cameras fussed over taking a picture of Rachel getting out of the car and looking every inch the beautiful bride._

_Quinn turned to Jesse and saw that his jaw was clenched and his eyes filled with regret, and for some strange reason, that image of him never left her for the rest of that evening._

In retrospect, she should have done her best to remove that haunting image of Jesse from her brain and mingled more with her former glee club members. Then maybe Quinn's night wouldn't have ended as it had.

Beside her, the lump underneath the covers stirred. "What time is it?" Jesse groaned, peaking up from beneath the covers.

"Seven in the morning," Quinn responded, after swiftly glancing at the clock on her bedside. She watched as Jesse sat up in bed, letting the covers fall to his lap. Quinn couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from his chest, the same chest that she had had her hands and lips all over the night before.

"Still considered the middle of the night by most people's standards." He got out of bed, making his way to the tea table. Quinn's traitorous eyes followed the exhibitionist as he crossed the room. "Do you want some coffee too?"

Quinn blinked in surprise. "Sure, black please." Jesse St. James was making her coffee after a night of hot sex, this was too surreal.

The room fell silent again as Jesse heated up the water for the coffee. Quinn was content with watching him, until she noticed her bra hanging on the chair next to Jesse. Trying her best not to blush, Quinn calmly asked him to pass it to her.

A smirk grew on Jesse's face as he reached forward to pick it up and made his way to Quinn's side of the bed to hand it over to her. He was challenging her, Quinn realized, testing to see if she suddenly became conservative and shy the morning after. With a tilt of her chin, Quinn did not break her gaze from Jesse while she dressed, giving him a full frontal view until she covered herself with the underwear pieces she had recovered.

Jesse chuckled as he watched Quinn. He leaned forward, trapping her between himself and the bed. "Ever the seductress, aren't you, Quinn?"

"Excuse me," Quinn protested. "You seduced me last night!"

"That's not how I remember it."

_After their discussion outside the church, Quinn didn't see Jesse again until the open bar at the wedding reception. He was already starting his first glass of scotch, when she remembered the look she had seen on his face earlier before Rachel was about to walk down the aisle. It was that image that made Quinn move her feet to approach Jesse and take a seat beside him at the bar._

"_I'll have what he's having," she had told the bartender, earning her an amused smile from the Vocal Adrenalin lead singer. "What?"_

"_Are you sure you can handle some Black Johnny Walker? It's pretty strong stuff."_

"_Please, I can handle myself," Quinn murmured, taking her glass from the bartender and taking a sip. "After that wedding, I need something strong."_

"_Cheers to that," Jesse responded dryly. Their glasses clinked and they took another sip._

_They found themselves tearing down the color scheme used for the wedding as well as the songs that were used. While the song Rachel had sung to her husband-to-be was lovely and tear-jerking, even Jesse had to admit it was a little awkward for her to be singing it down the aisle._

_They were starting to take vodka shots when Puck and Santana had come up to them. "Quinn," Puck had growled. "What are you doing with this tool? Is he bothering you?"_

_Quinn had giggled. "Of course not, Jesse is our friend. Rachel invited him."_

_A lopsided grin on his face, Jesse handed Santana and Puck a shot glass each. "Join us, the open bar is great."_

_The four raised their glasses and downed the shots. The hostility that had been on Puck and Santana's faces had mellowed but they still looked confused to see Quinn with Jesse. Quinn, however, diverted their attention from any questions they might have asked by proposing a drinking contest._

"_Five shots each," Quinn called out, motioning for the bartended to set up the drinks. "Boys versus girls, fastest wins."_

_Puck and Jesse both removed their suit jackets and slung them on the bar chairs. Quinn and Santana exchanged high fives. "Ready, go!"_

_The boys won that round, but the girls demanded a rematch, with Quinn pointing out that Puck had some questionable amount of liquid on his shirt and some dripping on the floor. The girls won the second round as Jesse's reflexes had gotten slower._

_Sufficiently buzzed, the four laughed and chatted with each other as if they were old friends. Puck had his arm around Jesse as he called over Artie and Kurt to join them at the bar. They passed around tequila shots this time._

_Brittany and Mercedes came over next, each with a margarita in hand, and the four girls started dancing with each other next to the bar._

_As the former glee club kids drank more alcohol, the louder and friendlier they became. Quinn wasn't sure, but she thought she might have seen Santana take a body shot off Artie's neck. Everything was a blur and she soon found herself in the arms of Jesse. "You want to dance?"_

_Quinn laughed as he whirled her around. "No, but I see the happy couple heading over here, and they don't seem so happy that we've taken over the bar. What do you say we make a quick getaway before things go sour?"_

_With a smirk, she took his hand and pulled him in the direction of the hallway where they found themselves stumbling a bit. "I hope you didn't drive here because I don't think I trust you to drive us anywhere with the amount of alcohol you've consumed."_

_Jesse squeezed her hand. "Don't worry, we're taking a cab." He hailed one quickly enough and Quinn was pleasantly surprised to hear him give out the directions to the Hampton Inn as it appeared he was staying there as well._

_The moment the cab started to move, Quinn began to feel nauseous. This was remedied by Jesse who pulled her closer to him and began to massage her hand, applying pressure on what were apparently pressure points. It worked and Quinn relaxed against, Jesse._

_Once they arrived at the Inn, Jesse led Quinn upstairs, asking for her room keys so that he could get them inside. He was in the process of tucking her in bed when Quinn called out to him, "Don't leave me here, Jesse."_

_With a smile, Jesse complied and stretched out on the other side of the bed. He turned to face her, running his fingers gently across her face. "How are you feeling?"_

"_Still a little dizzy," she admitted. "Are you?"_

"_I was earlier at the reception, but not after getting some fresh air."_

"_Not fair," Quinn pouted. "I got some fresh air too, but I'm still dizzy."_

_Jesse chuckled. "I'm twice your size, Quinn. I can handle twice as much alcohol as you. You should rest now."_

"_But I'm not tired."_

_Jesse raised an eyebrow."You can barely keep your head up. Come here." Quinn crawled closer to him on the bed until she was in Jesse's arms. He was in the middle of rubbing her back when his eyes suddenly grew wide as he felt Quinn's warm tongue licking his neck where her head was currently buried._

_She felt him stiffen and looked up at him mischievously. "I told you I wasn't tired," she said before lowering her head again and continuing what she had started. He hummed in contentment as she started to nibble on the sensitive skin. The louder Jesse moaned, the harder Quinn sucked._

_Finally, Jesse took charge and flipped them so that he was on top of Quinn. He took her mouth into his for a full kiss. Twice her size or not, Quinn didn't seem to care if he crushed her when she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer to her as she returned his wild kisses._

_It wasn't long before their clothes ended up in a discarded pile on the floor._

As Quinn recalled the events in the bedroom last night, a flush crept up her neck and into her cheeks. Jesse's smile widened as he saw her blush.

Jesse was definitely cute, and last night had been a fun distraction. "I should go and take a shower now," Quinn said, still blushing. She shyly looked up at Jesse. "Will you be joining me?"

Jesse wasn't sure if it was her words or that delectable look she had given him which had turned him hard all over again. It didn't matter. Within seconds, Jesse had closed the distance between Quinn and himself, pinned her against the wall and began to kiss her. Quinn met his kisses and things between them began to grow hot as he wrapped his arms around her.

Quinn started to tug on Jesse's hand, leading him towards the bathroom. He followed her until he stopped midway in between kisses. "Wait, my hair care products are still in my room."

She laughed before she leaned in to nibble down his neck. "You're so vain about your hair."

Jesse moaned in appreciation as his grip on Quinn grew tighter. "Yes, but you love my hair, admit it. Your hands were all over it last night."

"It's soft," Quinn murmured, her hands finding their way back to Jesse's hair.

"And I need my hair products to continue to keep it that soft." When Quinn wouldn't release her grip on Jesse, he continued, "Why don't I quickly run over and get them from my room so I can give your body and your hair a shower you won't forget?" His voice dropped to barely above a whisper at the last part of his sentence, causing Quinn to shiver.

She kissed him one more time before letting him go. He walked across the room to grab his clothes and began to dress, starting with his pants. "My room is also on this floor but on the other wing," he explained. Quinn looked on in amusement as he threw on his coat without putting on his shirt first. Jesse still looked devilishly handsome with his rumpled clothes and messy hair.

Jesse caught his expression in the mirror and grinned wryly. "I look like a sorry excuse for a morning after walk of shame candidate. Are you really going to let me do this alone?"

Quinn walked over to her closet and pulled out a robe and covered herself with it. "I'll walk you out the door and wait for you. No way am I leaving this room though until I've had my way with you."

His lips captured hers again as Jesse turned the knob and opened the door leading out into the hallway. "You've already had your way with me. Over and over again last night if I recall correctly."

Out in the hallway, Jesse and Quinn found themselves facing Finn and Rachel. They jumped apart in surprise. "Finn, Rachel," Quinn said, greeting her former classmates. "What are you doing here?"

"We're on our way to breakfast," Rachel finally replied, as Finn was struck silent seeing his ex-girlfriend with his wife's ex-boyfriend. "I didn't realize this was your room. Our room is just down the hall," she said, pointing to a door a few feet away.

"Why didn't you guys get the honeymoon suite at the topmost floor? It's supposedly quite lovely."

"We did, but they had also recently repainted it and the fumes were too strong, so we requested a switch of rooms. I needed enough sleep because we're off to our honeymoon today."

"I see."

The four of them stood silently in the hallway awkwardly. "It was a beautiful wedding, congratulations and best wishes to the two of you," Jesse spoke. "I have to go ahead, my room is on the other side of the hall."

Finn grunted something and Quinn could barely make out what sounded like the word "shirt." She wasn't sure how to respond as Jesse left the odd trio in the hallway. Saving Quinn from having to respond, Rachel's phone began to ring. "It's my mom. Could you excuse me for a second?" Rachel went back into her room to take the call privately.

And that just left Quinn alone in the hallway with Finn. The ex-boyfriend she wasn't a hundred percent sure she was over. Seeing him yesterday had been a little difficult. She had sat through their ceremony yesterday and while Quinn had long accepted that Finn was with Rachel, a part of her heart would always love Finn.

"Thanks for coming to the wedding," Finn said, speaking aloud for the first time. "I wasn't sure you'd make it."

"I wasn't sure I was going to make it either," Quinn answered truthfully.

Finn had to look away from Quinn when he wasn't talking to her. Her standing in the middle of the hallway in nothing but a robe was making him feel a little uncomfortable. He shifted his weight to the opposite foot. "So how are you doing?"

"I'm doing well. I'm a senior associate at my law firm in San Francisco, hoping to make partner in a year or two. What about you?"

"I'm coaching football in a high school in New York. I started off coaching in Chicago where I graduated college, but with Rachel's career taking off, we decided New York would be a better home base for the two of us."

"That's nice. Well, I'm glad you were able to get the gang all together here in Ohio for the wedding."

"Yeah, it was nice to see everyone after so long. A lot has changed."

"Yeah. A lot. Although for some, not really." They both fell silent as they reflected on the things that had changed and that had stayed the same, mostly in reference to themselves.

"Are you seeing anyone seriously right now?" Finn asked, surprising Quinn with his question. "I mean, other than that," nudging his head in the direction Jesse had taken.

Quinn shook her head. "No, we're not seeing each other. I'm not—I'm not seeing anyone seriously right now. Jesse and I… there was just too much alcohol at your party last night."

Finn chuckled. "I know right. I told Rachel she could have anything she wanted at the wedding so long as I had my unlimited open bar. It was pretty wild."

"Anything, huh? I guess that explains the operatic bridal march," Quinn said with a little giggle.

Finn laughed. "Well, that's the first thing you learn about marriage and being in a good relationship. You have to give a little in order to get a little. It's a lot of compromise most of the time."

Quinn merely smiled at his words as she began to recall her high school relationship with Finn and how she took control most often than not. They had their share of compromise, but really, it was always Quinn pulling the strings back then. When she finally looked back up at Finn, he saw a faraway look in his eyes and she thought he might just be thinking the same thing.

"Well, it was nice seeing you again, Finn. I should be going ahead," she said, her eyes darting to the end of the hallway. Jesse still hadn't returned.

"Yeah, I should go check in on Rachel. It was great to see you, thanks again for coming to the wedding. We should keep in touch."

Quinn smiled hesitantly. "Yeah, we should."

Neither of them made any effort to exchange email addresses or phone numbers, they just stood there smiling at each other politely, unsure of what to say further. Finally, Finn raised a hand and waved and Quinn returned the gesture as she backtracked into her room.

Jesse didn't return to her room and Quinn wasn't sure if she was relieved that he hadn't. It gave her some time to reflect on what had happened in the hallway and replay the scene over and over again in her mind as she mulled over her relationship with Finn.

Quinn finally saw Jesse again when she went down to enjoy the last few minutes of the hotel's breakfast. She had actually seen Finn first, at the Reception area, checking out of the hotel. No sooner had she wondered where Rachel was, when she turned and saw the new bride standing in a secluded corner talking to her musically talented equal.

It was an intimate discussion, she noted. They spoke with low voices and stood about a foot apart. Rachel looked hesitant, almost guilty, and her gaze kept darting to the doorway entrance where Finn stood a few feet behind. Jesse looked quite determined and focused, as if he was trying to convince her of something.

Quinn watched as he placed his hand on her arm and her stomach knotted. It was such a tender gesture, one which Rachel immediately pulled away from, shaking her head. She said something that Quinn didn't catch and headed off into the direction of Finn, leaving Jesse alone.

_Was he trying to win her back_, she wondered, feeling a twinge of jealousy. Just as soon as that thought had settled, Quinn shook her head slightly. _No, she was _not_ going to feel jealous about Rachel Berry, rather Rachel Hudson, again._ Besides, hadn't she more or less told Finn that Jesse was just a one night stand and didn't mean anything to her? No, she shouldn't allowed to be jealous.

Her gaze fell on Jesse who stood alone, watching the doorway where Rachel had left through. There was that look in his eye again, the one she had seen on him before the wedding had started. It was a defeated look, and yet he continued to stand tall and proud, his chin jutted slightly upwards.

She must have been standing there too long because Jesse finally broke out of his deep thoughts, turned and saw her watching. Quinn froze, not sure of what to say to him. It turns out, she didn't need to say anything at all as Jesse just looked at her, his eyes still filled with the same intensity that she had seen when he was talking to Rachel.

After what seemed like eternity, he walked over to where she stood. "Accompany me to breakfast?" he asked softly, taking her by surprise.

"I, uh—" she stammered briefly. "I think breakfast is over already."

Silence. Then Jesse nodded his head slightly. "Then a stroll outdoors?"

It took awhile to register to Quinn that he was giving an alternative invitation. "Okay," she finally said, when she realized that Jesse was waiting patiently for her to respond. He held out an arm for her to take and she stared at him as if he had grown an extra head.

Jesse acquiesced and took back his arm, instead leading the way out the glass double doors. Quinn followed only half a step behind him.

They walked together in silence for several minutes, each deep into their own thoughts. Quinn glanced at the colorful flowers in the garden that they walked by, but it's beauty was lost on Jesse who didn't so much as glance at it.

Now they were passing by a lake and Quinn's feet were starting to hurt. She looked up at Jesse who was still lost in thought and didn't seem to have any direction in mind for their stroll. With a sigh she tugged lightly on his arm, making him jump a little. He blinked and looked at her. She stared straight back at him, her gaze unwavering.

Jesse broke their gaze first, glancing up to gaze at their surroundings as if he was looking at it for the first time. Finally, he chose a spot for them to sit next to the lake. Quinn wondered if he was going to continue their silence sitting rather than walking, but he finally spoke.

"She wouldn't even sing a farewell song with me. She told me that she would only be singing duets with Finn now on and that I should leave her alone."

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Well, that was pretty harsh, especially considering that she actually invited you to the wedding."

"She probably feels I still threaten her relationship with Finn. Imagine that, already married and she still doesn't trust herself around me."

"Well, you did just offer to sing with her a James Blunt song, calling her your lover. I can just imagine why she'd question your intentions."

"It's a beautiful song," Jesse said defensively. "As an artist, Rachel should understand that."

Quinn just stared at him and then finally letting out a long sigh. "I didn't fare any better with Finn. I knew I wasn't completely over him, but that conversation we had outside of our rooms was just so painful."

Both fell silent as they got lost in thought over their current predicament.

"Do you ever wonder if Finn will come back and choose you?"

"Are you crazy, Jesse? He's married to Rachel now."

"I hear the divorce rate in the US is reaching an all time high," he says nonchalantly as if they were talking about the weather. "It's just a hypothetical question, and Finn does have a history of flitting back and forth between you and Rachel."

"Which he hasn't done in years," Quinn responded in a deadpanned voice.

"Would you take him back if he did?"

"I—I don't—I don't think so. Finn has changed over the years, and so have I. Even though there's a part of me that will always love him, I know that logically we wouldn't work together. That's why we failed so spectacularly the second time around, even though none of us had done anything really wrong. You can't be in a relationship with someone and love them for who they used to be."

Jesse nodded. "I've always felt that Rachel never changed, she's always been as perfect and talented as I remember. But each time I come back, she pulls back from me farther and farther each time. It's different without me even noticing it."

Quinn looks at Jesse thoughtfully. "I'd like to maim the person who came up with the concept of people always loving their first loves - they obviously never fell in love as a teenager where life is one big mess.

"Or fell in love in the limited dating pool that is Ohio."

Quinn sighed in agreement. She rubbed at her eyes, suddenly feeling incredibly exhausted. Like she had aged five years overnight. "I'm going to go ahead, Jesse."

Jesse got up and helped Quinn to her feet. _He is such a gentleman_, she noted. _Rachel was lucky she was loved by two great guys._ "Are you going back up to your room to rest?"

"No, I need to pack my bags, my flight to San Francisco leaves in a few hours." More like three, and it's not like she had a lot to pack into her small duffle bag, but when it came to Ohio, Quinn was ready for a quick retreat. With all the unease building inside of her, now was as good a time as any for her to depart.

Something in Jesse's eyes flickered, but he remained silent.

Quinn looked at Jesse sadly before kissing him softly on his cheek. "Thank you for helping make this weekend easier on me, Jesse. But now I have to start living in the present. I wish you all the best, I'm sure you'll have an amazing career, no matter who will be the leading lady of your life."

Again, he said nothing as his eyes searched hers imploringly. Quinn nodded slightly at him before she turned and headed up back to the inn.

The next three hours were a blur to Quinn. Somehow she managed to get her things packed, checked out of the hotel and into the airport. She had to constantly remind herself that she had built a pretty solid life for herself in San Francisco, but why did she feel so shaken after coming home this weekend?

Finn was her past, now more than ever. Their brief conversation gave no indication that he would ever be anything more than her first love. But now that she had reopened the Lima chapter of her life, closing it again felt just as difficult as reopening it had. Returning to San Francisco suddenly felt like such a burden.

Quinn preferred aisle seats on the plane and when she had finally boarded the plane, she noticed an elderly man seated by the window next to her seat and hoped he wouldn't ask her to get up frequently in order to use the rest room.

However, once she started reading one of the non-fiction books she had picked up from the airport bookstore, Quinn barely noticed as the flight attendant approach her seatmate and call him out of his seat. She eventually took out her reading glasses after she felt a small migraine coming on from all of her squinting while she read.

"I didn't realize you wore glasses. God, you're sexy."

Quinn felt herself jump in her seat. "Jesse, what are you doing here?"

"Flying," he said simply, as he slipped past her to take the seat next to her. "What are you reading?"

"Umm, it's just some book about the founder and making of IBM," she laughed softly. "It's about as old as the dude whose seat you're sitting in."

Jesse made a tutting sound. "And you told me you were going to go off and live in the present. That 'dude' is currently enjoying my Business Class seat, so I guess you're stuck beside me for the rest of the flight. Think you can handle that?" he raised an eyebrow as if to challenge her.

A smile escaped Quinn's lips. "You gave up a perfectly nice roomy Business class seat... to sit next to me in Coach?"

"Any problems with that?"

"Not much, but if you were trying to win points with me, you should have just offered me your Business class seat." They laughed.

"Aren't you supposed to be off to somewhere like New York to go appear on Broadway?" she asked curiously.

"Acting in Los Angeles, actually. Not too far from where you live and work, if you think about it. I suppose we never did talk about my career this weekend, ironically considering I spoke much about my prospects while we were still in high school."

"So what are you doing headed to San Francisco?"

Jesse shrugged. "I still have a few days off. After you left earlier," he paused as he searched for the right words, "I decided that you were right about having to live in the present. But then I realized I had no idea how I wanted to do so. Actually, I had some idea about how I wanted to live in the present." Quinn waited for him to finish. "You're intriguing Quinn, hot too. And last night was definitely something I don't see myself forgetting anytime soon."

Quinn felt herself blushing. Jesse took her hand into his and gave it a squeeze. "I wanted to see if you could help me live in the present as well, if you're willing, of course."

Her eyes widened in surprise and then the tips of her lips curved upward. "I think I could do that."

"Great," Jesse said, punctuating his sentence with a soft kiss on the lips. "I was hoping you'd say that."


End file.
